i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
