That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
