Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
