I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
