How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Still dying that you shit outside
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
