i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
