He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
