4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am midnight drunk by noon
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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