There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
