Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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