Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
