so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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