dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
vagina is talking i cant
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
