Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
