just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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