I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
