hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want her autograph on my taint
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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