Yo dont text me then not text me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
