I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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