I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
