So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
