rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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