He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
