She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
