I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
