You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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