He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
