i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
