Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
