That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
