too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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