I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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