I will die if light touches me.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
