you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
