we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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