You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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