real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
