I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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