you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
