singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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