I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
