you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
