just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
