frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
