Kiss
Puke
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
