I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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