I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a search helicopter?!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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