I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
