porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Randomize
