If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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