I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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