he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
